The Sleeping Hurdle

My daughter Josie had struggles with falling asleep since about 2 months old. She would fight it. She would take a pacifier and want to be walked around, but it would take quite a long time for her to fall asleep. Even with the pacifier, she would thrash around in your arms until she passed out. Knowing she would do this every time, I started to put her in the baby carrier when it was time to sleep. This way it didn’t hurt my back and physically exhaust me. THen I’d try to put her down, and well, just look at the picture below.

We used this method for a few months, until she got an ear infection at about 9 months old, and refused the pacifier almost immediately. We lost the only thing that calmed her. We went from quiet thrashing around with mild crying to full on screaming until she fell asleep.

The sucking motion was still soothing to her, after noticing she would fall asleep with her bottle. I tried purchasing pacifiers that resembled a bottle nipple which was not successful. Our Occupational Therapist with the Birth to Three program in our state suggested increasing the suction with her bottle to increase the sensory input. The intention being, it would take less time and less of her bottle to fall asleep. I should mention, I slowly switched her bottles from formula to water for her bedtime. Going to sleep with milk or formula, when your child has teeth is not good for their dental hygiene.

I purchased ultra-preemie nipples and would slowly decrease the amount of water we would put in her bottle. I could only decrease it to a certain point before she would wake up when the water was gone. Once she woke, she didn’t go back to sleep easily. This method did work for another few months. When she got older, and it was more cognitively age appropriate, we took away the bottle while trying to find another replacement for her to use to get herself to sleep.

We tried lavender scents, baths, always read books, winding down earlier in the night, rocking, weighted blankets, you name it. I read about the ‘cry it out method’. Never was a fan, but I read that it was effective for some children. We tried this for almost a month. I pushed through trying to be consistent, but it was not effective. She would cry for 45 minutes to an hour every night.

One night, she did ask for ‘row, row’. I wish I could remember when this was exactly, but since then, that is how she falls asleep. Who would have thought? We set it up on repeat on Alexa, and she sleeps with her ‘babies’ we introduced to her, and we finally resolved the falling asleep issue…..two and a half years later.

Sleeping arrangements

The way she sleeps, I would describe as aggressive. As a baby, she would thrash and roll around in her sleep. She would often get her limbs stuck in between the slot of the crib. This was especially dangerous for her because she had an insensitivity to pain. Josie didn’t react to pain until she was about 18 months old. Even then, pain would take a minute to register, and she would cry for a short amount of time. We purchased a mesh crib tent to keep her from getting stuck. This worked beautifully. The tent also has a zippered opening to keep your child from crawling out of the crib as they get older. This made more sense than the crib bumpers. Josie would throw her leg or arm right over those.

As Josie got older and physically stronger, she would sit up on her knees and throw herself back into her bed, head first, with no awareness of what she is coming down on. She would wake herself by smashing into the sides of the crib. I found myself in search of a ‘glorified’ crib. Something with soft sides and larger. She was not ready for a toddler bed or to be ‘free’ in her room for safety reasons. Cognitively she was much too young. We ended up purchasing mesh crib railings that fit on a queen size bed from Amazon (they fit on a twin and king too).

Oh, but then there is the ‘over tired’ tired. I wish I had a video of Josie during this time. She becomes very , doesn’t stop moving, grabs at everything around her. She doesn’t show the traditional signs of sleepiness, like rubbing your eyes or yawning. And when we would put her to bed, oh the screaming and fighting.

Our OT mentioned joint compressions, which is applying deep pressure to joints, specifically in the arms but can be done all over. I had done this in the past with former students, and never directly saw anything come of it. But we were willing to try anything. I did them for her one night when she was struggling to sleep. She was asleep before I finished. I saw her face just melt and her body relax. Amazing. We call them ‘squeezes’ and she will ask for them now. You can learn more about joint compressions here.

Many of the strategies I discuss are temporary. I found when you are in the moment, that moment feels like forever. You are tired, you want nothing more than to help them. I hope some of the obstacles we faced, can help you and your child.